Most nights, you can be sure to find me gathering manna. Wildly surfing for strong words to feast on is the only way I know how to spend the early hours of my day. And that's how I stumbled upon a video a brilliant mind I had met and known in University had shared on his Facebook profile. It was a snippet of a video documentary his boyfriend is currently working on about transexuals in Kenya. I had to click it. And I watched silently fighting back tears as my lungs groped about for air. In the video, his words.. Her words were coloured with reckless surrender of a soul seizing the day with undertones of pain tucked so deep you might miss it if you aren't keen enough.
Loneliness. It's its own kind of muck that clings so close to the soul. We all want to be accepted and understood and will do anything just to find a semblance of home in this cold cold world. And that's the ache in humanity not just gay people, lesbians and transexuals, whether we know it or not. Like them, we're all looking for home and family and acceptance but we each take different paths to find it.
An unfamiliar heaviness settled in my spirit. It became so clear to me. The wound of the world is this: to love and be loved in return. But the fallen state of humanity makes our love broken, carvenous, in need of a completeness that fills us. And when we turn to everything else but God, our love is drawn empty.
Matthew 9:37-38
"Then He said to His disciples, The harvest is indeed plentiful, but the laborers are few. So pray to the Lord of the harvest to force out and thrust laborers into His harvest.
Those words echoed in me. "The labourers are few..." Christ, moved with compassion, ached for the souls yet to enter His kingdom. He was in need of labourers. He was in need of me.
But will I heed His call?
Will I allow Him to thrust me out into the harvest or will I kick and scream when He elevates me to a place of being entrusted with souls?
If I step out of my life for a moment and see through His eyes, will I see them as He does?
Sheep in desperate need for a shepherd?
How deep is my love?
Can I love them like a waterfall, raging and without bounds, just like He does?
Because they're coming... They're not so far away.. And my heart's already breaking for them...
They are in search of their identity, searching for completeness, searching for acceptance any which way...
The crack that is the source of their pain became wide and gaping with time. They're lost in a canyon of their hurt.
No one ever told them they're wonderful just as they are. Not the voices that mattered at least. No one told them that they're perfect just as God made them. The world points fingers so they doubt. And they choose to be different to fit in only to stand out. A crowd of lonely people looking for love.
God never makes mistakes. I wish they knew that. I wish they believed that. But faith and trust are words far removed from their vocabulary. I wish they knew that perfect peace is a surrender away. That healing and an end to all the anguish is a door away if they open up and let God in. Only He can fix what is broken. Only He knows where it hurts most. Only He knows how to end it. Only He can begin again with you...
Tonight, my heart is breaking... And if my heart is breaking like this I can only imagine the ache in His heart for their souls...
Lord of the Harvest, Lover of souls, prepare me. That I may lead them straight to you in their weary journey.
Part 2 here
Part 2 here
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