Love and purpose is for the brave

PS: This will be a long emotional (it will incite different emotions) post. I mean well. In every way, I do. The choice to read and heed is yours. Very well...

When I got into a relationship early this year, the conversations that were happening around me with the girls I was hanging with were just... It was good I was silent.

                                

The girls would give me that squinty look that says, "You are a brave, brave, brave soul to say yes to be in a relationship with him." And i'd be lying if i said it didn't sting me. It did. But I forgive you.

But here's why: The girls were talking about the kind of men they would want to get married to or be in a relationship with. Most of the generic answers were that he has to be tall, buff (definitely well built) and i'm sure though it was never vocalized, a number of them probably muttered rich under their breath. But definitely not any of the men that were around them at the moment, that is: short, chubby, skinny, younger than me or immature (i believe was mentioned) and maybe, just maybe someone who is a student (i sense familiarity and a lack of discernment of the men around them)

And they went on to describe just how brave I was because those were the very things they wouldn't sign up for. If brave is choosing purpose over shortsighted imagination, then i'm it!

I don't think some ladies are single because they haven't met the right guy. I think it's because if you knew who God has in mind you would straight on reject him and miss out on purpose a.k.a you still have an aspect of immaturity in you. Purpose is never far away.

You see, a lot of us girls will miss it if we're stuck and hellbent on shallow irrelevant particulars of the men to get married to.

Brief background >>>

2012 for me was a year of healing from a lot, a lot, as in A LOT, of things. I wasn't ready for a relationship because I was in pain and healing from my past. One conversation with my friend Marie led us to talk about the kind of guy we would want to marry and this was my response: Someone who will love me, who will stay (committed guy) someone who won't lie to me, and someone keen on their relationship with God (spiritually mature or growing to it) No physicals or other qualities, she asked. No. Not coz I was awesome. I've just always been open and thought that way. In the past I had dated short, tall, younger, chubby, buff, brown, dark, all sortsa tribes, I was never choosy. That's just how i've been.

So I stayed single through 2012 and kept turning down the few guys that showed interest. Why? I wasn't ready yet. Then 2013 God just turns it all around and then boom, I agree to be in a relationship (coz He had been leading me to warm up to a good friend of mine and now boyfriend)

In my head, I was doubting that i was ready. I mean, I was warming up to the idea of being in a relationship, the how and whom was what I asked God to fill. And so He did. And both David (my boyfriend) and I said yes.

And then the brave stares and the questions.

The girls: "You don't mind that he has a bit of a tummy?" (My nicer rendition)

Me: No. Not really.

The girls: I dunno if i'd be ok with someone who has a big 'tumbo'.

Me: *nods and smiles awkwardly*

Because in all honesty, my tummy ain't flat either way!! And he's hot to me.

Movies and TV are killing this generation! People want to get married to a prize and fail to consider whether they are also a prize to the guy anyway. I'm wrong? Ok then, why? Why does he have to be tall, and buff and working (substituted with loaded)? Is it so that others can envy you or be jealous of you? Think about it honestly.

Because many people are missing out on purpose and God's will because of a shallow checklist they wrote down inspired by Hollywood chick flicks.

I'm not trying to rubbish the tall, buff, loaded guy. No way. He worked to get there and kudos for that. And, he might just as well be God's will for you. Not because of his looks remember, but because of the life you are to build together in light of the purpose of God over both of your lives.

And anyway, who said that broad shoulders are what carry and sustain a marriage? It's God and how a man carries you and your family in the spirit.

But if you've discounted everyone else for a particular looking guy such that if another guy that is God's will and in line with His purpose for your life is brought to the picture it's a deal breaker because he doesn't fit in your checklist, then I feel very sorry for you.

Because it is God who packages purpose. You see, when God tells you He's heard your prayers and His desire, will and purpose is for you to be with so and so (insert name), He's not making a suggestion. He's not a match maker that will parade different men to you so that you pick whoever is to your liking. He is God. His ways are higher than ours and He's seen the end from the beginning. He is saying, "In light of My purpose and My will for your life and your future, this is whom I have found suitable for you." And what should follow this grace from God is gratitude. Not disappointment.

That's why many times when you dream about getting married or being in a relationship, the person in the dream tends to be headless (as in you can't see their face no matter how hard you try) It's because the person you marry/get married to is not necessarily a particular person but an expression of the eternal purpose of God over your life/lives. My friend Justin helped elucidate that once. Thanks Justo.

And I repeat this again, there may be other reasons God has not ushered you into a divine relationship but this may be one of them: the fact that you have shallow expectations of the kind of person you should be with.

Here's the thing, the Israelites could have been in the desert for 1 year rather than 40 years if they would have been prepared mentally and spiritually for Canaan. It's just that it took them 40 years and even then, the older generation died because they were stubborn and just weren't getting it.

It's not that God was mean and vindictive and trying to teach the Israelites a lesson. If anything, 40 years was God being patient and gracious toward them. He'd have been stoked if they took 3 weeks. He would. God really would have been excited.

It's a principle of exiting and entering. You need to exit right (leave those things behind - attitudes, mindsets, baggage) before you enter right. And your willingness to obey and incline to the voice of God determines how long it takes you to exit before you enter. It's all you really.

Also, not to rubbish the fact that God does honour some or all your desires.

Growing up, I loved the idea of getting married soon after Uni to a guy I met at Uni, like my folks did. I loved the thought of building a life together from scratch straight out of Uni, like my folks did. Let's just say i was inspired by my parents' story. And when in 2012 I thought all hope toward that was lost (to the point that I got excited about meeting and growing in love with someone I would get to know), in 2013 God revived a dead hope with someone I had thought was lost to me (as in i had humanly burned every bridge towards us ever being together. Haha!)

And truly, David is my favourite 2013 gift from God to me. He's all the man I need. He is.

What i've been trying to say in this long post (that many will not comment on or like which is perfect to me) is that we should let go of Hollywood and Hallmark and all those shallow standards we cling to as the way to go. Let God lead you to someone right for you as He sees best and He might surprise you. Reality may just as well be better than the utopia you were hellbent on getting.

And the truth is: love and purpose is for the brave who choose to obey God.

That is all.

When Mountains Collide

Sometimes, a rose stinks of loss. When the red wasn't deep enough, we tossed it by the wayside to wither along with memories and promises of love from a season past. But two fighting seeds found a soft place to lie on the cracks in the pavement confounding two lovers who had given up. And so began our tale of a love that grew from concrete. One that is long and windingly beautiful that I will tell you someday.

Yet some days I forget. I forget how deep the Maker's Hand had to reach to etch indelible ink into our hearts. I forget that our story is essentially His story. We are simply two trustees of the power two imperfect people wield when they surrender to Him. Still, some days I forget.

I forget that he has the kindest eyes; eyes so full of love that hands have to reach out and hold me. And I pull away right when his heart calls loudest. I forget that the only way he knows how to wear his heart is on his forehead. And even though he bares it wide and open to me, some days I simply look back at him frozen. I forget that he has traces of me in the corner of his smile - one of those deep ones my soul sinks into - and still, some days I find myself fighting for air.

This thing called trust, I am yet to master. And this is truth: every issue in your life can find its source in a brokenness between you and your heavenly Father.

David and I are both rocks, built high like mountains with strong wills and opinions. And time after time, like firestones, when pride gets the best of us, we spark. He likes big dogs; I like small dogs. He likes football, and I really don't. Simple things. Trivial things. Almost anything is cause to light. It's the reason why we walked away easily at the possibility of "us" in the past. No one likes to burn.

But we are no longer in the past. This is a new season and a divine relationship ordained of God Himself. And I feel that for the most part, the old mind was still at work in me. All would be well between us until I raised dust where quiet streams should flow. You see, though we clashed, I can truly say that most times David reacted and I played arson. And the genesis was always at that place of trust.

Doubt. It creeps in and I find myself asking him to promise to do the very thing he said he would over and over and it drums his mind incessantly like a wood pecker. The very loudness being this: that I don't trust his words or his promises. And the gaping wound behind every lingering question I pose at him finds its source in that I still struggle to trust God from time to time (recap here)

And David gets to suffer the most from this because a man asks nothing much from his lady - only respect and trust, and the latter is my greatest failing. So we spark, and the collision dizzies me. Then I fall silent for a few hours collecting pieces of myself like a spilled drink.

The voices grow louder.

"You're not really good at this."

"He should just leave you unless you walk away first."

It stings me a while, so I ask God to quiet me with His love and still my heart. And I give thanks that David is one to stay in a burning room with me until the Spirit wind blows over us to cooling. Though I'm not good at this, I get better each day. God is teaching me how to be in a relationship and I'm paying attention.

And every time I feel like I'm not good enough or that my best always falls short of the mark, there's a sweeping grace that washes over me like raging waters. It reminds me that it's enough to rest in the palm of His Hands - that He multiplies in my situations of failure and fills me. And when I forget to breathe, grace - that wonderful spiritual oxygen - rushes in, presses into my face and resuscitates me when I think I can and forget that I should depend on Him. Yes. Even to truly love the man He has chosen for me. It is this understanding of grace that will lead me to trust - wholly, staggeringly, with ageless ease and abandon.

Because when mountains collide, lovers like us get burnt in the throes of anger and pride. But every fire is a lesson learnt.

God has called David and I to unity in Christ. To oneness. To Christ alone being the resident flame in our souls. That all may see us as one, ablaze for Him like the burning bush - burning, but not consumed.

Message to the world: We are all connected

If you are not burdened by the plight of others in society, then you are denying a piece of yourself. Truth is, we are all connected. Each and every one of us. Your life is tied to many lives. To all life. It goes beyond your family. Beyond your home. Beyond your city, country or continent. Our lives are meaningless if we live for ourselves.

We grow up being taught that it's us against the world, that we should live for ourselves and be a blessing to those in our lives. I ask, why not be a blessing to the world? We fail to perceive that the reason why the world has become a global village with technological advancements in communication and other leaps that make life easier is to remind us that we are all one. Connected. One to another. What we do in Nairobi shakes up New York. A high or low felt in Uganda moves Berlin. We are all one. Yet we continue to think small. We pretend to see the world from our windows and laptops. Small. We need to come out from within to see the stars, to see outside, to see the world.

I know what we've been taught, but allow me to shake up your thinking. The greatest investment any one can make is in people. In someone else. When God wants to bless you, He introduces someone into your life. Your solution is tied to someone, a problem solver. Your promotion is tied to another. You are one person away, one action away from finding favour. You are one person away from edging closer to destiny. You are one action away from honouring someone who is key to your next tier of success. We are here on earth for a purpose, and purpose is tied to people.

So here's the question... How empty, how open, how willing are you for God to entrust you with lives? How much room have you created to allow Him to lead? Afterall, every thing we do involves another's life. The more prominent you become, the more lives are tied to you. To your actions. To your words. To the quality of the life you lead. Yet here's the thing: Each and every one of us counts. Each and everyone. Every role is noble. From the least to the greatest. Every person's purpose, by design, is brilliant. If only we could REALLY comprehend that each of our lives on this earth is connected... If only...